The summer of love. Something special happening within the limited period of time. People are falling in love, but we never get to see them stay in love.
For the young ones, it’s a good thing to not see them stay in love. You shouldn’t marry your first love. I mean, go live your life.
The ambition of eternal love in a way, and how love is a dynamic, how your sentimental education is about getting curious of future loves for people, or for arts, for moments. So that’s quite different. I think there’s a luminous dynamic of love. Love is not lost - it’s something you win for life. It’s a new dynamic of power that we embody. To tell a love story, if you want to tell it, it has to have ended. So that you can actually tell it.
In our accidental culture, the great tale of love is always about mutual love but impossible. You see it from Romeo & Juliet to Titanic. It’s not about us being masochistic, it’s not about us wanting to suffer. It’s a tale. It has to end so you can actually tell it.
I think it’s easy to talk about the beginning of our love story to our friends - it’s the best conversation we can have. I think it’s very difficult to talk about a love story while it’s going on. But we can talk about it when it’s over. I don’t know if I’m right, but I have the mic.
Anyway, I was ambitious that night. I had my little ego ready. But deep within me, I was so nervous and emotional that the only words that came out of my mouth were that she was someone I want to spend multiple dinners with, watch silly romcoms with, jump several cliffs with, and that I could see her in my foreseeable future... or maybe forever.
Nothing starts at the beginning. No, not really.
Let me preface this by quoting John Markoff’s fundamental claim about quantum theory:
“Objects separated by a great distance can instantaneously affect each other’s behaviour.”
Einstein described the implications of quantum theory as akin to ‘God playing dice’.
“Two previously entangled particles, even if separated by the width of the universe, could instantly communicate.”
I’m saying this not because I understand much about quantum physics but because I somehow associate it with how we form relationships. I am who I am in great part because of my relationships. I have been shaped by love, fights, and misunderstandings.
No time I ever spent on anyone I've loved has ever been wasted. I often suspect my past entanglements/relationships would have been better if I had known then what I know now.
Which leads me to her—to us—the kind of bond that we had with each other.
She was the one that got away and she never knew.
She never knew how much bliss she brought into my life. It was early summer. I made my comeback. I had the right projects with the right mindset. Safe to say, I was rebranded into an upgraded version of who I am, ready to jump off the cliff and fall again.
I imagine possible relationships all the time. Yet I concur with Paul Thomas Anderson when he said, ‘being in love is the most difficult challenge of your life’. No one sets us up for that.
Oddly enough, that one ill-fated summer night—that one night when it didn't feel like an oven in Paris—I felt all the warmth I could ever possibly feel. I allowed myself to stumble.
It was like trouble lurking out in the corner, or so I thought. It works because it comes about at the perfect timing. When doubt took over, I knew and she did too that we wanted to shoot that shot, regardless of where it would lead us. The needle needed to move.
And so there formed a certain naturalezza between us.
It was like soffio d’aria fresca, as how she would describe this feeling. She saw me as a breath of fresh air. Safe to say, I felt the same way about her.
If there is one thing that I associate her with, it is la fontanella, or the Fontana di Trevi to be exact. If you are reading this, I know what you're thinking ma dai it's more than that. The fountain as a metaphor that is very reminiscent of who we are as people—open, free, abundant, giver-of-life, not to mention she was born in the season that preludes to mine. And if there is anything that sparked this fondness we have for one another, it is the joyous nature we have as individuals.
I remember her telling me once at the beginning of our conversations, “Finally, someone I can talk to who is not in a depressive state”. That struck a chord with me because I met her in the middle of all of this, in the middle of uncertainty and doubt when the rest of the world was faltering, I’m glad you swiped right.
It was not her eagerness, or rather, not just her eagerness, but her manner of speaking that struck me immediately… which now, several full moons later, demands so much of me. There is a precious intensity in her gestures, the way in which her eyes dart and hands reach out to grab the right word (troppo italiano), that illustrates how strong a desire she has to communicate, especially when the conversation turns toward the things that matter to her—the integrity of her work, the importance of nature, her family, the concern for her friends, her love-hate relationship with France and coriander, and how she would love to be 10 centimetres taller. Oddio, ti prego.
The perfect blend of creative and rational—that’s how I initially thought of her when we met. I know sometimes she may think it was the fact we both come from the same world that drew me towards her—she's a copywriter and I am an art director—a world we both understand, it's funny because it's quite complementary. But I must tell you, this couldn’t be farther from the truth, that what drew me into her is the fact that we could finish each other's sentences and get a Lion or a Clio. I’m kidding.
One of the greatest joys I believe one can feel, is to share interests which they find beautiful with someone who otherwise wouldn’t have noticed it, and to see it appreciated.
As our conversations have progressed, I saw her as someone who I feel like I could trust. There is a sense of knowing that she'll always be around, and a deeper understanding of our dynamics which gives me a sense of comfort and relief.
And despite my erratic mood swings (as I’ve told her I am chaotic), my hypersensitivity whenever I get my period, I’m so thankful for the many many times she's calmed me down and reassured me that everything’s going to be alright.
But on a deeper note, after a little bit of contemplation, she is someone who truly has that healing effect on me. I may not say it so often but, as someone who has a hard time trusting people, she's taught me how to undo that and just let things happen the way it’s supposed to be. And it’s very freeing. It’s very liberating. Grazie per questo.
She never knew how much I admired her.
Of course I admire her as a person entirely, which of course we celebrate on the 27th of May. Her logic, creativity, maturity, intellectual capacity, the ability to stay distracted and yet make better judgments. But of course she is so much more than that, although what a person she is—admirable, noble, indisputable, incomparable. At age 35, she has planted roots for a dynamic future. I admire her for that. I look up to her because she never tries to seek external validation from the conforms of social media, in a world and in a generation that is always changing.
She never knew how much she taught me.
She is the ultimate professional. She may think her morning routine is dynamic but let’s call it discipline. Her passion and dedication to her work are a constant source of inspiration. More importantly, she lives her life straightforwardly, unreservedly, unapologetically. When she gives, there is neither condition nor expectation except in bed, you know ti fa impazzire, you.
She never knew how much I cared.
Me, being younger than her, but on fire with passion, as all young people of a certain age are… I wooed and was also pursued, and I dreamed of shaping the world. And to me, she is still the gnocchetta that I knew a few moons back—eager, radiant, cool, grounded, a golden sunshine, my very heart’s desire. She is warm-natured yet misteriosa, kind yet strong-willed, constantly engaged in a battle of wills at work. And I loved all of it, flaws and all. The crazy person that I am always feels thrilled to be with a very grounded person that is her.
You’ve made me so very happy. You never knew, but now you know.
I often wonder how my life would have been different if I had decided back then to not have that drink with her at 8 PM near the canal. It would’ve been probably very, very different.
Everything happened so fast. All I wanted was to just kill some time that one sunday night when I decided to see her, and then it just hit me.
Today is weird for me, as I am writing this, I'm feeling nervous all of a sudden. I don't want anybody to think that this whole thing is fleeting... that everything that had transpired from the moment I decided to push this through is surface-level—I have never made a decision in my life that I didn't consider deeply.
I'm sorry. I want to say sorry. I want to apologize because everything happened so fast. We didn't let the planets do its own thing and let the 'naturalezza' flow. There are so many doubts about the future. It's just not how I imagined things to pan out. But I want you to know, in spite of all this uncertainty, I am sure about how grateful I feel to have shared a life with you.
The only thing I truly regret: the times I could have been more patient. Just like we are the sum of the people who love us we are also the sum of the people who have hurt us, and I know I have caused her pain.
If I could go back I would be more careful. I would keep in mind that every relationship tracks a path for the ones that follow so inexorable that one day you become unable to distinguish your past decisions from your fate. I'd remind myself that nothing, nothing is more important than the time you spend enjoying the time and loving one another, showing to the other how much you care. That the people you get entangled to when you are young become sole witnesses to a piece of you no one will ever again understand.
I am grateful for the role all your pasts played in your life being the person that you are. I hold dear the thought that before I came along, you were loved.
Why am I in the relationship I am in now? Why couldn’t I make an earlier relationship successful?
I don’t wish I could have. But I do wonder why we are never ready before we are.
I do believe that only quite a few people are capable of talking about an ending.
Very few people can actually say what’s on their minds. Incapable of being direct because they still have so much to learn about themselves and about the world and who they are. So you’re watching two people who really try which feels very analogous to a lot of the situations we find ourselves in.
There are so many ways to fall in love. And we lose a little bit of ourselves when it happens to us.
Romance, love and relatedness are complex when the whole enterprise or relationship sets us up to fail. There’s nothing worse than knowing who you love didn’t trust you enough to share their true self with you. I think when someone who loves you has to let you go and they wish you the best, they know that the thing they wanted most is for you to share your life with them—that is what they ultimately lost. It’s not the love, it’s the shared life. When they wish you the best in life they mean it, knowing what it feels like to lose something they truly wanted but won’t live to see. I think it speaks to their desire for you to be happy, even if ultimately you didn’t choose them.
Humility. Loss is so painful. Grief is gritty and gnarly as fuck. When a past love wishes you the best, they’ve evolved something fierce to let go of someone they never intended to but would, to honour what’s best for you.
You don't stop loving somebody just because they make bad choices or they are struggling.
Stable reasons support the choices they have made. In love, they will stay constant, their feelings as assured as the trajectory of an arrow in flight.
I’m not sure if we fall in love with people or if we fall in love with the way they make us feel, the ways they expand who we are and wish to be. There are no shortcuts to love. We must honour the truth inside ourselves and give that to another. And then we ultimately let go and find happiness within. You see, happiness exists for those who know where to find it.
It will take some time, but I know this thought will linger in the next few days or weeks or months. We might ask ourselves from time to time, what more can we have done to make it work?
I guess it's not about getting over and letting go. It’s about honouring what happened. I met a person who has awoken something in me. A fire ignited. Finalmente, the work is to be grateful. To be grateful every day that someone crossed your path and left a mark on you.
To talk about love is a tricky thing to do. But I’d like to talk about it nonetheless. Love is a massive part of who I am.
The concept of love I knew from when I was younger has changed massively as I’ve gotten older. Young love versus love in your 20s. There are people that you will meet along the way that will change you and will make you learn more about who you truly are, and when you’re lucky you’ll meet someone who’ll remind you why you’re doing what you’re doing.
Many forms of love but I’d like to focus on the love that I know, that I feel within me.
I think that resonates with me as someone who has loved and has lost. I am very lucky to be born in a time where I’m able to fully experience loving someone in its purest form without any judgment in the space I’m in. I decided to look at love and all its possibility, rather than doing the impossible love story narrative. I resonate with that because I’m not the kind of person who says when a chapter closes, that’s it. And it’s not just limited to love, but in life as well—I’m always open to possibilities.
As for her and I, we may have gone our own ways and we may be completely different people now, but the fire has not ebbed. Rather it has grown deeper, stronger, quieter, more enduring.
I have always loved everything about her, even what I didn’t understand, as I was unaware how much I could. And I want to protect this very precious thing even if it has already run its course.
In this moment of solitude, radio silence, the vastness of the distance apart, only then do I recall the little moments. I would only hope that she feels the same.
I want you to know that I am always happy to think of you and what a person you are, and the good it does simply to have you alive and going about being yourself… not to mention, with an incredible pancetta.
To you who made the days burst with exuberance, even worth more than enduring, feel free to take this with you when you're ready.
You always know how I feel, you always have known.
I can’t explain it any better. Maybe that’s the very last secret that stays with me.
MA